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moving on to bigger, better things... [Jul. 15th, 2004|08:02 pm]
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |311 Beautiful Disaster]

Well, I have hit the point where it is too hard to manage two online journals. Those of you who still need to know my goings-on can find me at xanga.com with username jeannie006. Not that livejournal sucks, it's just for some people and not for others. Kind of like underwater basket weaving.
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work work work... [Jul. 12th, 2004|12:05 am]
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[music |311 Greatest Hits]

As nice as it is to have money in the bank, I really hate working. I need a job that I really enjoy, or a sugar daddy. Whichever comes to me first I'll take.
Other than that, Sawyer will be here to visit in three days. That is going to be so awesome. I can't wait.
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On the outside looking in... [Jul. 3rd, 2004|12:25 am]
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |Modest Mouse- Float On]

Everyone has been in the sit where they're telling their friend, look you just can't see it because you're in it, get out. Well, I can only hear that so much. I took a step back tonight and realized I'm in a sit that isn't good for me. I've had to make a lot of decisions in the last six hours and I'm just hoping they turn out ok. I know I'll be ok in the end, I'm just hoping better off also.
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In retrospect... [Jun. 19th, 2004|09:08 am]
[mood |draineddrained]

Well, I don't feel sad anymore. I feel like my BS circuit kicked in and I'm just not tolerent anymore. I have developed such a whatever attitude that it's scary sometimes. Jimmy was trying to get me to not go to Memphis again. Hello, there are more people there besides Chris. I told Erin that I feel better about the sit, because I didn't do anything wrong. If anything it is just a matter of bad timing and I surely can't help that.
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No moping around for me... [Jun. 18th, 2004|10:01 am]
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |Broken-Seether feat. Amy Lee]

So, yesterday was a pretty good day, it just ended badly. I got up, found out Scotty from the band called, he's in Florida, went shopping, going again today, met Scott, this guy who Jimmy has been trying to hook me up with, he's really cute and nice, started the 5th Harry book, and talked to Jamie, talked to Sawyer, found out that I don't have to go to Dorley's party because it's this weekend, not next.

Then I talked to Chris and first of all, he's playing the xbox the whole time he's talking so he'll start to say something then tell me hold on every two minutes. This would be different if I talked to him a lot, but I quickly went from talking at least every other night, to maybe once a week. But he's talking and he says yeah, I'm going to Gulf Shores for a week, I'm leaving Sunday. I may be back Friday. Ok, to me that is extremely selfish. We planned two weeks before school was over for me to fly down on this weekend, and he's going to go on vacation at the last minute with his friends, but he may be back the day I get there. I'm so mad right now.

I feel like I'm not only dating Jacob again, but also Austin. Not that Chris acts like them, I just feel like I'm in the same place that I was when I was with them. Disliking the decisions he makes, and waiting for him to be ready for a relationship. Well, I just know that I'm not moping around here all summer. I'm going to go to Memphis and have a good time and come back and have a good time. Maybe that's the advantage of being faced with the same situations. I know what to do and what not to do, and I'm not forcing Chris into anything, so it's out of my hands, it's something he has to decide on his own. Meanwhile, I'm doing my own thing.

As for now, I'm going to do the most therapeutic thing I can think of: I'm going shopping again. By the way, it doesn't help that today is the 18th, the marking of three months together. But if he doesn't remember, why should I?
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I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger... [Jun. 15th, 2004|10:48 am]
[mood |worriedworried]
[music |Perfect Circle-3 Libras]

...then it hit me. That's exactly how I feel today. I have been so stupid. I don't think as many of my friends read this site as my xanga site, so I don't think I have to be too vague. I'm not feeling smart enough to be vague either.

Anyway, Chris was talking to Erin the other night and she just got a really good vibe that he thinks that I like Sawyer. Which is very untrue. I love Sawyer, but it is not that way. And it never has been. It's actually kind of interesting to me because usually my guy friends are the ones I have/had crushes on. But me and Sawyer just get along and have things in common. I've never felt that way about him. I guess if I met Sawyer in a different situation, I could, but I know right now how Chris makes me feel and I'm really happy right now so I don't even think about it.

But I never knew that it bothered Chris that me and Sawyer hang out so much. He jokes about it and would rather die than tell me I hang out with him too much. So I thought everything was ok. But he talked to Erin and he has been joking about it a lot lately. Erin says I should talk to him about it and reassure him, but I don't think it's a good idea. Sometimes I start talking and it's like I'm trying to convince myself, not the the person I'm talking to. So, I told her I'm just going to show him that I like hanging out with him more than Sawyer while I'm there. That's really the best I can do.

If you have any comments/opinions/solutions please post them, cause I just really don't want to mess this up.
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So excited...17 more days... [Jun. 8th, 2004|10:59 pm]
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |The Strokes]

Well, tomorrow is a day off. Going to celebrate last day of school with Zach and if it's not raining lay in the sun.

I'm so excited because I've been going back and forth, should I go to Memphis, should I not, and I talked to Jamie and she convinced me I should. It wasn't her just saying you have to come, it was like, Well, do what makes you happy. And I knew after talking to her that going would make me happy. So I got a sign today that I made the right decision. I got an e-mail that said my lodge aid tee will be here the day after tomorrow. I'm so very excited. So I'll get that, then shop and work and get more clothes and money in prepartion to go.

I'm going to go call Jamie because we need to catch up on girl talk.
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Basking in the sun... [Jun. 5th, 2004|08:29 pm]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |Weezer]

Today was so good. The sun, me, and no immediate tasks. It was great. I read a little, talked to Sawyer on the phone a little, and got burned a little. It was day of very little. There's going to be so much to do the rest of the week, so that was nice.

Work was good last night. We were really busy, but it was prom kids so it was ok. They're not that picky. Laura kept saying , we love Jeannie, she's not allowed to go to band camp, even though you're leaving you'll always have a job here. So I'm going to make her a present before I leave, not because I'm cheap, but because I'm multi-talented and I can do that.

Ok, I'm bored so I'm going to go find something productive or unproductive to do, whichever finds me first.
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Every dark cloud has a silver lining... [Jun. 5th, 2004|12:04 am]
[mood |rejuvenatedrejuvenated]
[music |Lustra-Scotty Doesn't Know]

Well, although I don't know what the silver lining is to this yet, things are looking up,as they always do, which gets me through these trying times.

I went and saw Harry Potter today and it was good. The book was better, but they did a really good job with it. I was telling Erin that I'm glad America didn't get a hold of the movie rights first. We would have butchered it with our money making hollywood antics.

Talked to Sawyer, and we're going to read the 6th book together. That'll be fun.

Tomorrow is a day off all day. And it's supposed to be sunny. So I hope to lay in the sun all day and read. That'll be so nice.
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My stupid heart... [Jun. 2nd, 2004|04:57 pm]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |Coldplay-Green Eyes]

Well, yesterday, I was complaining about the weather, but today is another gloomy day and it matches my mood. I stayed at work all day which was nice to get my mind off things, but now I'm back and blah... I think when I'm depressed it physically affects me too. Right now, my heart just feels heavy. I'm not complaining or anything, I have def felt worse than this before, but I know at the same time that I can't do anything to make it go away. It's just something I have to deal with for a while. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
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